She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
