Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
