Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
