Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
