I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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