look no pants
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
