whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
