You just made me feel so damn special
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
