Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We need a shit load of segways right now
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
