Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
