Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
