i just wanna soil my oats bro
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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