Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
