im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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