Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
