atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
