It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i think i just lost a toe
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I came so hard my ears popped.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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