i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
