he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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