meet me or not, i'm out of control
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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