Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
