you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
