Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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