I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
