I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
