Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
