Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
