eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
