Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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