pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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