dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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