I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
