yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
