omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
