I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize