I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
