Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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