He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
