Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
