he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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