my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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