i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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