To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
