I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize