playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You were trust falling into bushes
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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