So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
