I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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