im about as happy as oj after his trial
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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