best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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