Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
