NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
