that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
