U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I am available for nakedness
Randomize