I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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