So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
this boner is exhausting
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
