I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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