Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
