WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
