I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize