I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
