The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
