i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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