I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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