it's not cheating when I paid for it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
