so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
