We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
