Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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