I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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