My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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