I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
