he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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