Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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