Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
false alarm, still single
Randomize
