MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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