Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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