Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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