bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize