Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
