He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
