He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
