I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
