I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he told me I talked like a deaf person
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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