still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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