I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
