At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
