Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Randomize
