I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
