If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
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