there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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