how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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