sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
