Will you blow on my dice?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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