you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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