I must be too annoying 4 u.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
