Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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