wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
