You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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