They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
