making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
