Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
