I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize